"If You Don’t Go to High School, You Won’t Have a Social Life"
A gentle reply to a comment many homeschoolers hear
The other day, my daughter came home with something on her mind. A friend had told her,
“If you don’t go to high school, you won’t have a social life.”
It wasn’t meant to be unkind—just one of those things people say without thinking too hard about it, and maybe even from a place of concern. But it landed with a thud. Because of course, like most kids edging toward their teens, she cares deeply about connection. About friendships. About belonging.
So let’s unpack this—gently, but honestly.
First: What is a social life, really?
Is it a group of 200 kids thrown together because they were born in the same year, navigating timetables and lunch breaks and assemblies? Or is it something deeper—about connection, shared interests, and feeling like you belong?
Because if it’s the second one, then there are so many ways to have a rich, interesting, and full social life outside of high school.
Homeschoolers Aren’t Hermits.
Let’s bust that myth right here. Homeschooling doesn’t mean sitting at the kitchen table all day, staring at a stack of textbooks.
Most homeschoolers I know are out in the world—joining art classes, going to co-ops, volunteering, working part-time, dancing, hiking, creating, exploring, and yes, hanging out.
Many homeschoolers end up with a beautifully varied social life. They mix with people of different ages, from different backgrounds, and with diverse interests—not just the same kids in the same uniforms every day.
Let’s Be Honest—School Can Be Social and Lonely
It can be a place to make friends, but also a place where cliques form, bullying happens, and kids feel pressured to fit in. Just because someone is surrounded by people doesn’t mean they feel seen.
In fact, according to a 2022 Australian survey by Mission Australia, over 1 in 3 young people aged 15–19 reported feeling lonely frequently, even though most of them attend school full-time.
And in a national survey by Headspace, more than 60% of young people said they felt pressure to fit in at school, and almost half said they’d experienced bullying at some point during their education.
One of the things I love most about home education is that my kids don’t have to spend their days trying to fit in before they even know who they are. They have the space to grow into themselves first—and find friendships from that place of confidence and authenticity.
The Gift of Time… With A Little Bit Of Intentional Effort!
One of the quiet superpowers of homeschooling is freedom. You can build your week around what matters to you—including friendships. You have the time and space to invest in real, meaningful connections—not just the fleeting ones that happen in between bells.
But let’s be honest—it does take effort. Social life doesn’t magically appear just because you’re not in school. As homeschooling parents, we often take on the role of facilitator. We help our teens connect with communities, make plans, get to events, and sometimes push through their nerves. It might mean juggling logistics, driving across town, or creating regular social rhythms.
It’s not effortless—but it is intentional. And the reward? Real relationships, chosen communities, and a social life built around who they are, not who they’re supposed to be.
And Finally a Little Message for the Not-Quite-Teens / Teens
If you’ve chosen a path that looks different, it’s okay if people don’t always understand it. It’s okay if they worry for you, or say things that make you pause.
But here’s what I want you to know: a good social life doesn’t come from ticking boxes. It comes from being you, and finding others who love you for it.
And you can do that anywhere—at home, at the skate park, at drama rehearsals, over a milkshake, or while joining in at local teen activity days.
So if someone says,
“You won’t have a social life without high school,”
you can smile and say,
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve got one. It just doesn’t come with a uniform.”😜
PS: Got a Soon-to-Be Teen at Home?
If your family is exploring homeschooling through the middle years and beyond, you might love the upcoming
Teen Homeschooling Summit
June 10–13, Online Event
In 15+ workshops run by experienced Homeschooling parents, designed for homeschoolers stepping into or in those preteen and teen years. It’s a chance to hear real stories, spark new ideas, and feel supported as you walk a path that’s a little different—but filled with possibility.
You’re not alone, and neither are they.